Umm...boo?

Ever have wild mood swings? Ever felt the violent urge to break things just for the heck of it? Ever felt like walking out of your door without a destination and just keep walking till your legs tire out? Ever felt like picking up your chain saw and going on a killing spree just to see people bleed? Well if you haven't you should really check out the topics in your next English term paper!

"Our zoos should be closed down and captive animals rehabilitated" - Argue for or against the topic providing relevant reasons for your stand.

As I stared at the topic, I felt the last vestiges of my sanity begin to drain away. I began to wonder if our teachers are sadists - black-hearted, soulless, tunic- wearing, hooded freaks who form an unholy cult and meet every sunday night with the sole purpose of innovating ways to drive us to brink of justified insanity - and then push us over the edge with their test questions! Absolute authority is dictatorship. Don't you think we should have some say in the matter? Don't you think WE should be given the authority to choose our own questions? It's OUR exam after all! Why should we let a bunch of imbeciles decide what WE should do??

So here's what I wrote....


"Our zoos should be closed down and captive animals rehabilitated"

'This is a topic that neither concerns me nor arouses my interest. Hence, I have chosen to write on it. Most people would rant about animal rights and bring to light sundry acts or laws against animal torture from codes, defined, undefined or non-existant. Some people would go even further to claim that 'Animals are people too'! Indeed, it is hard to contradict such a formidable statement.

But frankly speaking, how many of us even care? If animals have a right to survive, then so does each individual creature of each individual species. Then how is it that slaughtering farm birds like turkey, hen, etc and animals like goat does not pose a problem, but the moment some drunk celebrity in some obscure part of the country shoots some unfortunate beast labelled "endangered species", the entire country rises in protest? Don't you think animals would resent such discrimination? Don't you think cows harbour a secret desire to take out their trusty handknife and slaughter us humans in the wee hours of the nights? But coming back to the point, preventing such slaughter of innocent farm animals would necessitate a mass transition from a predominantly meat-eating populace to a vegetarian one. But this poses a humanitarian problem! So the righteous social workers will argue that the preservation of each species as a whole is our social and moral obligation. Then they will pen their views in text books on environmental science, causing students all over the world to cry out in unison - FUCK YOU!
But then such twisted logic is equivalent to saying that since the human race as a whole shall remain in tact, it is alright to persecute an individual race. Then again, such a mindless act would cause the right thinking people of the world to raise their voice and condemn this injustice. This leads us to the question - Aren't these people our fellow human beings? Similarly, don't those poor slaughtered souls belong to the animal kingdom too? Aren't animals people too? Do all the ghosts of chickens past rest in unholy slumber in their afterlife in some nook of heaven gearing themselves up for the inevitable apocalypse when we, the people, will be wiped out by mass hit of guano? Well how would I know?

Come to think of it, I don't give jack-shit about the zoo and haven't been there in a good ten years and will make it a point not to take my children to such a godforsaken place! The bear is always constipated, the monkey has preposterous manners( since when is stewing in ur own poo gentlemanly conduct?), the elephant has a severe case of scrotum-itchoritis and the lion is perennially neutered. There, that more or less sums up what you'll see in a zoo! I mean these poor creatures won't even stand a chance in the wild! Africa doesn't even have many animals left. It's known more for its tribal wars and genocide nowadays! Where threats such as global warming and nuclear weapons haunt our lives, animal rights hardly seem enough of a concern. Let's face it - if a nuke is launched today, no animal with superhuman abilities can save us! Ok, Spiderman doesn't count! Fantasy aside, animals WILL be wiped out along with humans! Except for cockroaches...seriously! Imagine a bunch of cockroaches running the universe in an advanced civilisation sometime in the near-distant future..."Screw you humans! Who's the dominant species now? " This leads us to the question - Are animals realy that important,be it in captivity or in the wild? Is Spiderman a super pest? Shouldn't Doctor Octopus just try to spray him out?(Crazy genius my ass!)

All these questions vex us and boggle our minds. Scientists today can send rockets to space, men can breathe underwater, a disc can hold all the porn u need to survive in the post-apocalyptic era with bombarding chicken spectres and man-eating roaches. I am sure human intelligence can find a way to sustain ourselves in the absence of food web or food chain or any other illusory webs or chains. Animals have not played a significant enough role in my life for me to care if they bred in captivity or in the wild. Sure, I like chicken. But they're no good unless they're subjected to a gruesome guillotine, stripped and fried. So, either way, it is futile to ponder over such irrelevant issues and I hope someday you who bear the power to flunk us shall see the light!....Eventually...roaches WILL take over!And err...may the force be with you..'