The sun rose once again in the scorching desert somewhere in the United States to the battering of bullets, Russian military firing their kalashnikovs blindly and missing their target(obviously), a 60-year old Harrison Ford dodging bullets atop wooden beams while nimbly leaping from one beam to another, a Ukranian Kate Blanchett with a sword driving wildly all around the place in search of a rickety crate holding the crystal skeleton of inter-dimensional beings, all in the middle of a forsaken warehouse which was eventually blown up by a nuclear blast 5 minutes later! Whew! Yup, if you want supernatural beings, antiquated jokes drawing chuckles only from 70 year-olds shivering somewhere in the back seats of the theatre, monkeys and civilised men swinging senselessly from vines in the middle of the Amazon rainforests, a family reunion after 20 years of forlorn heartache, Indians or Amazonians( my sincere apologies as by this time, I was too bewildered to even grasp who or what was chasing whom), shooting poisoned darts at our uncanny group of heroes, and missing(obviously), waterfalls, hallucinating professors , treasure hunts and god knows what else, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is definitely a must watch!
Seriously, how many times do you get to watch a movie where the secondary villain is a David Hussey-lookalike Russian general named "Prestiti"? I don't wanna seem inquisitive, but I really wanna know what was going through his parents' heads when they decided to christen him something as absurd as "Prestiti". Well, one thing's certain - this guy must've been on the receiving end of a shitload of 'poongis' as a kid at the playground! Maybe that's the reason he bore such a pissed-off expression on his face! It even explains his love for nuclear holocaust and flesh-eating mammoth ants! I must mention that apart from bulky Russian sadistic brutes and 20 year old kids leaping from tree to tree like arboreal beings( a skill which I'm certain Tarzan took atleast 20 years to master while this kid accomplished it in just over 20 seconds), this movie also boasts ground breaking visual effects. It's literally ground breaking as for the greater part of the film, rocks keep tumbling down on our group of heroes. For the rest of the movie, they themselves keep tumbling down waterfalls, hidden chutes, etc etc. But seriously, the visual effects were the some of the best I've seen in a movie. The alien looked like a cross between ET and the alien from Alien Vs Predator( although it had a head that was something like a cross between Thierry Henry and Frieza in his 2nd transformation stage). I breathed a sigh of relief as I realised that some obscure part of my brain was still haunted by visions of Jadoo dancing to Koi Mil Gaya and I hope that this new alien look will be able to banish that nightmarish vision forever!
The effects and Kate Blanchett's presentable performance are the only reason you'd want to watch this movie. Although this movie is far from what I'd expected from Steven Spielberg, there were still sparks of his ingenuity, as I reflected later, he had managed to blend the location from new America to Peru and then to the Amazon with relative ease and no severe shocks. The storyline itself I guess was a bit warped! Iron man remains top in 2008 on my hitlist. Prince Caspian showed a mark improvement over the first film, I feel. Although talking animals and a lion with a roar almost as fierce as his fart can enthrall an audience of ten-year olds, I did not feel the same elation as I saw 'The lion, the witch and the wardrobe' on screen. At least in this second part, the protagonists were old enough to change their own diapers. There were still a few flaws as a one-to-one combat was subject to intermittent respite sessions which were due to a number of reasons from injury to a piss break. Well I've got news for you Narnians! If you're planning on fighting an epic battle and hope not to get injured, you're loco! As for a piss break, I'm pretty sure if I was faced with an army of raging beasts, I'd be pissing practically all over the place! Again, the visual effects were nothing short of stunning, but this I guess, is a pointless remark for modern day Hollywood films as it is expected of them.
That's about all of my critique on movies that I can present at this time. I have great expectations of 'The Dark Knight' as it promises to take your breath away. In any case, Heath Ledger's final performance should be honoured. The tagline "Why so serious?" with a burning joker card seems a brilliant trap for the audience's attention. In any case, I can guarantee this movie will thrill you more than Imran Hashmi's histrionics in 'Jannat'. No, it's not a search for heaven, and yes, I'd rather choose to be boiled alive in Hell's eternal fires than undertake this quest for heaven another time!
PS: Sorry for the lack of posts. I'm still alive. Don't believe the rumours.....(creepy half smile)!
1 comment:
Oh my thoughts EXACTLY. Indy Jones was SO cliched and ordinary (and mindless at points), I couldn't believe it was Spielberg. The only good thing about it was the setting. Even the AMAZING Cate Blanchett seemed bleh cos her role WAS bleh- a very flat, stereotypical character.
I liked both Prince Caspian and Iron Man. Caspian was a visual treat (the settings were GORGEOUS)and it held my attention. Iron Man was neat, slick and tight.
The last movie I saw in the hall and LOVED loved was The Devil Wears Prada.
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