Samwise

Tuku is my subconscious. He is a living, breathing, subliminal denizen of my own creation. No one is ever born a Tuku. The name has to be earned. Then you grow into it. Then you grow out of it. Then you outgrow it. Yet, it persists. Like a tumour you cannot ignore.

"Mujhe naukri nehi karni, yaar!" was Sameer's rhapsody in the middle of the night. That's when we're all awake trying to find the answers to life, existence and other lesser perceived mysteries. But mostly we cram ourselves in a room and play Counter Strike till we drop.

"Toh saale, shaadi kar le apne bhai ke tarah!" was Tanay's riposte. Tuku is the part of me that cringes at the suggestion of things like shaadi and apple custard. Tuku is a recalcitrant child who refuses to embrace the idiosyncrasies of Hindi. He views it clinically, as a strange and foreign language that neither tongue nor mind will ever fully embrace as a music to be grown into, a lyric to be moved by or a melody to be wrapped around. But more importantly, he hates the verbal retorts that are uncalled for, that the language itself seems to nurture. He despises the tone of the dialogue, that is neither curt nor piquant, with the spittle dribbling down his trembling lips, he rants his fevered discontent with the very simulacrum of intonation that the language brings. Tuku, of course, is an idiot.

"Bata sabko, apne bhai ke bare mein," Tanay continues in his slap-to-the-face-of-the-helpless way.

"Main gaya tha uske shaadi mein..." gushed Sameer. His is not a sour way. His Hindi is a calm and crisp Hindi. Like a salve that cools and burns with an ingenious vitality. Like the cracking of fresh bread. Tuku greatly approves of Sameer's way of talking. Although he sounds like Scooby Doo.

"Chhota tha mujhse," he continues, "...Tinku tha naam uska!"

Laughter all around. Laughter suffused with the revelry that only comes with the awareness of being a lone group in a night that was claimed by silence.

And everyone's silent while Tuku whispers to me, "We dodged a bullet there..." And I smile with a contentment no one feels.