The Devil Probably does Cry

To tell you the truth, it's really never crossed my mind if the Devil can, shall,will, might or may cry. But when you come across a video game with a name as insane as that, you've got to try it! I was not disappointed. Orgasmic graphics, super-hot computer generated chics, gore, emo music playing in the background as you rip clown-like demons from the netherworld into shreds with an ultra-cool-uber-powerful-cum-insanely-awesome sword, and then watch the orbs bounce out of their mangled carcass as the relentless music fades away....boggles the mind don'nit? Anyway, as long as I'm on this truthful spree, I might as well admit I'm incapable of stopping myself once I start playing one of these computer games. I spent a sizeable portion of my childhood(time and pocket money) solely devoted to these games. Hence the thick nerdy glasses.



Pongal brings with it a shitload of best wishes, promises of several occasions of watermellon breaking, opportunities to explore the exotic delicacies( a sloppy mush of what looked like khichdi) of the south, reasons to run to the bathroom after experiencing these tantalising dishes, vistas to flunk, and yeah, a 5 day holiday. The 5 day break has all but come to an end, and I have had my fair share of uninterrupted sleep, reading and button bashing on one of my friends' keyboard. The problem with these small breaks is that they run right by you before you even realise they'd started. Now I have two assignments to complete by tomorrow which I have no intention of getting started on till well into the evening. Anyway, the reason for this 5 day break is, of course, Pongal. It's the Tamil new year. As with the case of movies that arrive here about two weeks after the release day, the new year fever also grips these people about two weeks after new year's eve. Pongal is followed by Thiruvalluvar day and Uzhivar Thirunal. Don't ask me what they are, I just read them off the calendar. But I'm guessing they're the second and third day of the year....you know, because they come after the first day of the year. Not a very difficult inference. So, in their language it's the Yund, nar, moor (1,2,3) days of the year that are occasions to celebrate. Weird. The first time I heard this version of the number system, I was seriously offended. I nearly started hurling explitives at the newspaper guy as he started counting the days he'd be supplying newspapers to our room on his fingers.."Lund, Gand, Bur..."
Like what the fuck?? It's like they've named their numbers in order to confuse outsiders.

Because of my stunted knowledge of Tamil numerals, I don't wuite know how you'd say five in Tamil, but I can tell you that it's more than enough time to go out and get drunk on the relatively cheap booze at one of the local bars. This, however, doesn't hold true when you're engrossed in a computer game, which I just realised, consumes almost half of my day. Damn DMC! Anyway, from the experiences of my roommates, I've come to know that there are varieties of vodka like apple and orange vodka(These I've got to try!) and Chandni Chowk to China sucks(This I'd told them a million times even without watching the movie!) A movie that doesn't particularly suck, however, is Slumdog Millionaire. I'm not crazy about the film, I just think it's ok....maybe even good. But just because the movie depicts the slums that are a major characteristic of almost all the cities in India, I don't think it deserves 11 Bafta nominations and all the hype that it's been getting. It's a decent story, with brilliant compositions as usual by A.R. Rahman, inaccurate facts about Indian slum-culture, an interesting side-storyline, and a really bizzare performance by Anil Kapoor. I mean why would a game show host, cynical and condescending he may be, resort to that kind of churlish skullduggery to prevent a contestant to win his sum? I agree with Amitabh Bacchan who's allegedly claimed that the movie would not have been such a blockbuster if it had been made by an Indian director as a Bollywood film. If you want to see a slum, go look outside your window! But then, apparantly he also claims that Indian films with our 'concepts' deserve the same accredition, which I wholeheartedly disagree with. Indian films, as a rule, suck! They're meant for masses who go "Oye Hoye" everytime some desi chic in a bikini swirls her luscious hips and are unable to comprehend anything different from the stereotypical melodramatic storylines that form the heart and soul of Bollywood films. Seriously, the movie doesn't even have to make sense. Just put in enough stars to make the people go all "Ga Ga" and you've got your hit. The raging success of "Om Shanti Om" is a testimony to this fact. There are a few movies like 'Black' and 'Life In A Metro' that deserve the limelight, but how many of them are there? Most films are just flashy faces, weird dress sense and 6-packs. Why would an actor as talented and accomplished as Shahrukh Khan need a 6 pack to buy showmanship? This is something that can take place only in Bollywood. Imagine Johnny Depp or Jack Nicholson or Al Pacino with a 6-pack! They don't need it! Viewers appreciate their acting because 'acting' i what they're meant to do. Indian actors are atleast as talented as their Hollywood counterparts and instead of being given opportunities to prove their skill, they find themself in a whirligig of 'get a six-pack or die', 'do a homo film or die' and such like. I don't even want to go into the action films where baddies fly horizontally, vertically, in all frikkin directions(probably following Maxwell's law of distribution of velocity) when the hero so much as swats them as someone would a fly! The public somehow, by some miraculous lack of sensibility, enjoys this!

I don't know how a mere discussion on Devil May Cry led to this criticism of Bollywood films, but I know that I'd definitely cry if Slumdog managed to steal all the awards away from the Dark Knight! Seriously, can you beat Heath Ledger's depiction of a deranged sociopath with a kid from the slums at a gameshow? Maybe, but not in this case! So...."Why so serious?"