Troglodyte: You know, I find the world above very disorienting. There's light without any fire, weird creatures that aren't scorpions or salamanders, things flying without banging into stalactites. It all seems so surreal.
Mammoth: You know, ever since you starred in that movie, 'The Time Machine', you've become a pain in the butt.
Troglodyte: Your butt? That's quite an achievement. But come on, you've had plenty of movies based on you...Mostly involving your herd running around trying to escape a bunch of my people with wooden sticks for weapons, but still, an appearance nonetheless.
Mammoth: That's not true. Haven't you seen ice age?
Troglodyte: Phfft! Yeah. An animated movie. With Ray Romano playing a mammoth. I can see why you like that. If I ever had a chance to choose an actor playing my part, I'd get Brad Pitt to do it.
Mammoth: Yeah, fat chance. Brad Pitt, the prehistoric caveman. Next, you'll have Brad Pitt, the schizophrenic alter ego, or Brad Pitt, the retarded son of a scientist releasing an unknown virus, or Brad Pitt as Death, or Brad Pitt, the hero of Troy...
Troglodyte: Err....That guy really does a lot of movies, doesn't he?
Mammoth: That inglorious bastard.
Troglodyte: You know what's confusing? All the gigantic fortresses and shiny metal-thingies those guys wore in Troy. I mean, in a movie like 'The Time Machine'(starring yours truly) they unhinge the frame of things by introducing a totally imaginary device, the time machine, making time an insignificant factor and thus classifying the theme of the movie as pure fantasy. But in a movie like Troy, with all the cool bow and arrows, and myrmidon armour, the findings of latest technology, the theme is conceivable but very futuristic. I'd like to own that huge sledge hammer Ajax lugs around. Very elegant.
Mammoth: I don't know. I still don't trust you with a weapon. The last time you had one you attacked me with it.
Troglodyte: Oh don't be such a baby! It was a long winter. The herd was getting hungry and you were the only edible thing in sight. Besides everything's a pain in your butt anyway. How much more can a jagged-edged stone spear hurt?
Mammoth: You'd be surprised. Where'd you get that box where we watch the movies anyway?
Troglodyte: Oh, I used the time machine they gave me at the end of the movie. It's pretty fantastic the way it works. I pushed the gear and it landed me on the set of another movie they were shooting. You wouldn't believe the kind of props they had on this one. They looked so real. Moving things on wheels. The shaman down below says that someday, someone would invent the wheel. It's almost science fiction.
Mammoth: Oh what was this one called?
Troglodyte: Encino man.
Mammoth: Wait...You are Brendan Frasier?
Troglodyte: Uh, no. They threw me off the sets after I started to poke everything to see if they were real.
Mammoth: Thank god. I thought you were gonna take the few movies Brendan Frasier had away from him.
Troglodyte: Well, he really ought to do more movies.
Mammoth: I think the sun's setting.
Troglodyte: Yeah, I should be getting back down to the real world. Hey, wanna come over and watch some Prometheus and Bob?
Mammoth: Ah well, at least it's something we can relate to. Although the alien looks a lot friendlier than the one they had down here in X Files.
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40 million years later:
Voice on a Police Radio: We have a time machine from the sets of a movie reported missing. Look into it, over.
Brad Pitt: Jeniffer Aniston or Angelina Jolie? Oh this is so confusing! Almost like the roles in my movies!
Brendan Frasier: I really ought to do more movies.
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200 million years later:
Guy Pearce: Hmm, the future looks so bleak. Why did I have to send back the time machine anyway? This movie should be called 'Back to the Future'. What am I doing with all these cavemen? Oh look , a Mammoth!
1 comment:
I love mammoths. And sabre-toothed tigers. Damn human beings killed them all.
*runs off wailng*
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