I need Another Career

If terms like metal-oxide-semiconductor-field-effect-transistor and small-signal-incremental-diffusion-conductance weren't enough to get me to detest whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing in college, the last year has had me bracing myself against a torrent(if such a word can be used) of incorrigible, pathetic teachers. They come in all shapes, sizes, ethnicities, apparel but all share a common vein of incorrigibility and patheticness that makes me want to re-think where my life is headed. The triple-e lab guy for instance, in addition to being possibly the worst recruit made by VIT where hiring staff is concerned, has, in the course of a mere 4 months, earned himself the reputation of being a moron! This guy, actually corrects an answer paper but leaves the blank sheets conspicuously tied at the end of the answer booklet, that seem to serve no apparent purpose, unmarked. What followed was an epiphany of gleeful students making the best use of forest products(as far as EVS is concerned), and filling the blank sheets with answers they should have written on the day of the exam. What's more? This guy actually awarded all of them marks for the seemingly uncorrected answers. The average increase in marks for the entire class in general was as much as 200%!....Which is to say, only 2 retards succeeded in actually failing.

Now, let's look at the situation from the teacher's perspective. His name is Arun kumar if I haven't mentioned it already. He corrects the papers without giving a shit about how much anyone has procured. That's plausible. Even commendable. He leaves the last pages blank instead of scratching them out. That's trusting. Mildly moronic. He then gives in to everyone who approaches him demanding marks. Now that's scratching a level of retardation spastics have aspired to achieve for centuries! Do you realise, to do this he must have accepted that he hadn't checked half the answer papers of about 40 odd students? So, it was with quite some trepidation that I approached his desk when I learnt that he was to conduct my viva for the lab exam which I was almost surely failing anyway.

AK (Standing up from his seat and announcing): "08BEI008!"
Me: " Yes sir."
AK: "You're 08BEI008?"
Me(looking around since no one else seemed to be standing): "Err...yes. That's what my friends call me..."
AK( In his markedly southern accent): " Come for the viva, ra."
(I hobble over to his desk)
AK: "Why are you limping, ra?"
Me: "It's an abscess, sir."
(I have learnt that the best response to 'ra', which in Egyptian culture would actually mean 'By Ra, the god of rain, storms and cultivation', is 'sir')
AK: "Ab...sess?"
Me: "It means it's swollen because I banged it against something."
AK: "Ab...sex?"
Me: "Err...yes sir. Can we get on with the viva?"
AK: " I have absex in the shower, ra."
Me: "Umm...pardon..."
AK: "I banged my hand in the shower. The soap-"
Me: " Oh...So, are you going to ask me any questions? Coz I really have to get the abscess looked at at the health centre!"
AK: "Ayi-ayi-yo, yes ra!" (producing a register from his desk) " What is the relation between alpha and beta for a transistor, ra?"
Me: "Oh...err...(trying to recall a formula from my last exam)..beta is equal to alpha by alpha minus one."
AK: "Good good."
Me: "No, hold on, isn't it one minus alpha-"
AK: "I asking question, you answering. Ok, ra?"
Another student approaches the desk.
Random guy: "Sir, I-"
AK:"Can't you see I'm conducting viva? I talk, he talk, why do you middle talk?"
Random guy goes away without further argument.
AK: " So, how your leg now?"
Me: " You really thought your question would have a therapeutic effect?"
AK: "Huh, you limping why?"
Me: " yes sir...like House.."(ogling hopefully)
AK: " Yes, yes, I buy house in Chennai-"
Me: " Oh, shut up! Ask me another question!"
AK( strangley swallowing the outburst): "Why does a Bipolar Junction Transistor have Bipolar in it's name?"
Me: " Because it has electrons and holes that-"
AK: "Wrong! It's because it has 2 poles!"
Me: " No sir, it has three poles...it's called a BJT because the electrons-"
AK: "Ok go!"
Me: " What?-"
AK: "Go!"
Me: " Is the viva over sir?"
AK: " Yes. Go to the health centre. Can you get me something for my absex, ra?"
Me: " Yes, sir. I'll get it."

So I walked out from another exam hall, having barely passed another hopeless exam, the last thing on my mind being buying Arun Kumar something for his absex.