I have an idea.
It's not a revolutionary idea.
But it is a comforting idea.
Maybe just for me.
As you may know, I've been having to travel to the States off and on for work. It may sound like a lot of fun and to a certain degree, it is a change from the monotony of vanilla Hyderabad life. We have a phrase called 'Live Service' in the gaming industry. It basically refers to the collection of stuff the developer team keeps putting into a game (the kind you'd download off the Play Store or App Store) in order to keep it relevant and engaging. How does knowing that affect your life? Sometimes I get the feeling real life is an oddly constructed game and the devs really don't do a good job of managing Live Services. It's the usual every month. Pay the rent. Pay the bills. If you have some help with the cooking or cleaning, pay for that help. If you have a loan, pay that too. Work 9 to 5 if you're fortunate. Work 9 to 8 if you're not. Call your mom every Sunday (should I be calling her more often? We'll talk about it). Get a drink occasionally. If you're a middle-class salaried employee (and if you're reading this, odds are you are), that pretty much constitutes the daily grind. Which brings me to my question - Is this really it? I mean sure, if you're a 'Monetizer', which in real life basically equates to having received quality education and having an upper middle class existence by virtue of earning a salary higher than most, you have the "Travel" and "Hobbies" features unlocked for you. And you probably dabble in them once in a few months and post an Instagram pic that gets you a few likes from the community, but that's literally it.
What is the meta game, I ask you? What is the purpose at the end of it all? What is there to aspire toward? If it is achieved, then what? For example, when you're 15 and pumped with hormones, sex is an aspiration. And when you achieve that, the rush is a commensurate payoff I'd say. But what is the equivalent of that at 30? Sure, you have things called friends in your guild and sometimes you'll do some things together and that helps maintain your sanity on a day to day basis, but human beings need a purpose I've been told. And if you're privileged enough (let's accept that we're privileged), once you've ticked off the bottom 4 tiers of Maslow's hierarchy, you're pretty much looking forward to either being the person who cures cancer or if you fancy dropping a couple of kids, that. Here are my arguments against the latter.
1. Kids born today will have it tough - and I mean really tough - by the time they have to start competing for higher education or a job 20 years later. Our population has tripled since independence 70 years ago and is projected to increase further right through 2050. If you produce a child within the next 4-5 years, he or she'd probably be entering the job market roughly around 2040-45, at which point you have 400 Million more people in the country. But what does all of this mean? Let's look at the current situation - Between 1991 and 2013, 300 Million Indians entered the working age range. Only 140 Million were absorbed into the job market. Fast forward 20 years later, the situation is even more dire. Sure, you could try to analyze it further by factoring in education, urban-rural divide, knowledge of global languages etc. to get a more accurate picture but it's unlikely to be a rosier situation. You'd have to factor in automation and global job trends as well if you go to that extent. I don't know about you, but it was fucking hard getting where I am today. And it's only going to get harder. A lot fucking harder.
2. You have only a certain amount of control over your kid's innate abilities. And that control extends to your genes, that's it. And let's face it, the majority of us aren't Chris Hemsworth or Elon Musk. Odds are you're average. Or if you're a Monetizer in life, you're slightly above average. Even then, there is only so much you can do to ensure your kid gets the right opportunities. So many millions are also ensuring the same. Can you really say for sure that your child's going to come out on top after all of this? Is it really fair to put him or her under such pressure.
3. You don't have much control over your kid's life choices beyond adolescence. It is entirely that being's agency. As it should be. I know a lot of people growing up who got into drugs or hobbies or professions that were self destructing. Call it lack of guidance, lack of proper role models, not enough attention or care, the reasons are irrelevant; choices are made by enough number of people every generation that prevents them from growing into productive, self-sustaining individuals. That may just be a fear most people brush off, so even ignoring that, let's talk about the end goal here - what guarantee do you have that your kids will come visit once you're sixty anyway? I love my parents, but we live at a time in which work and life have more demands than ever, and I'd be lucky to drop in and see their faces once every 6 months. What is the pay off for my parents, really?
4. Adopting a slightly clinical view (abjectly removing emotion from the decision altogether) - it is just a bad investment. With the returns as uncertain as they are (for the above reasons), one must consider the cost of healthcare, education - everything from school, college, supporting tuition if necessary and in all probability, post graduation as well, the amount you'd spend on his or her hobbies, all of it. Also, factor in the cost of making changes to accommodate the child into your and your partner's lives - compromises on certain careers, living locations, an encroachment on your time that could otherwise have been used for more self-fulfilling pursuits. (You may not cure cancer, but you can certainly try to become a certified SCUBA diver). It is no small cost. And I reject the dogmatic mantra inculcated in any person past the age of 25 by the elder members of the family in traditional Indian households in order to reinforce the need for progeny - the joy of holding your child for the first time, your grandmother needs to see her grandson, and other nudging platitudes in that vein which are generally accepted to be true. These constitute emotional cajolery, they are not objective arguments, and if you think critical thought isn't necessary, consider the consequences of making a life choice that's going to impact you for 20 years or more based on grandma's unerring stand on the joy of childbirth.
5. It really IS a choice. It is a feat of no small measure that we as a species are self-aware of our evolutionary imperative to propagate our genes. There is an biological bias pushing us toward having children but the conditions that made it essential are today obsolete. We are the dominant species on the planet, to the extent that it is now a detriment considering the state of global climate and environmental health. However, as uncharacteristic as it may sound for me to say so, I really do accept the reasoning of people who are aware of all the above and consciously choose to have kids anyway. Certainly there are cases to be made for such a decision. For example, what do I do when I'm 45 and my entire social circle have adapted to centering their lives and activities around their kids? Won't I be lonely? The way society exists at any point in time is a self-perpetuated cycle until enough people find a reason to change it. Since we aren't at that point of change yet, there exists a natural compulsion to conform in order to look after one's own interests. That's a perfectly good, (albeit a bit selfish) reason. You'll find the same kind of reasoning in our behaviour given that arranged marriage is a thing that exists. Because our social circles are such that most women get hitched by 25 and most men by 30, you're naturally compelled to find a suitable partner by 30, which by all logic is sub-optimal behaviour at scale. In countries where arranged marriage is not the norm, the average age of people tying the knot is 7-10 years higher. That produces a free-er exploration of what relationships have to offer, a more informed awareness of one's own needs and expectations as an individual and eventually, (one would expect) the finding of a better match, which are all worthwhile benefits of an alternative societal lifestyle. But we cannot operate within the same bounds while living in Indian society since there's no point to lounging around till 35 if your most suitable potential partner in all likelihood already got hitched at 25. To Mr. IIM-Baniyawalla. He was the most qualified of the Baniyawallas. And they already have 2 kids. Existing constructs in society do influence behaviour. It is natural. But what really grinds my gears are that in most of my discussions, I find that the majority of people having kids are not the ones putting in any amount of basic thought into the why of it. The majority are the ones having kids because their grandmothers' health is failing. That exemplifies a horrible use of human intellect.
"But why does all this intellectual masturbation matter, Anoorag?"
It matters, people! Your bratty kids are going to be on my 20 hour long cramped international flights. Kids wail and shriek and cry and rub their snot on other people's clothes. A lot! So you having a kid equals me being unable to sleep after a tiring stint working my ass off and fighting jetlag. Sleep is the only constant source of joy in the otherwise depressing live service called life. "But Anoorag, think of the parents? What must they be going through" Fuck them. They brought it upon themselves, not me. Because of grandma, that too.
Which brings me to my idea.
What if flights started offering a special service to parents with young kids wherein they spray some magical fluid at the kids which knocks them out for the duration of the flight? It's not opt-in. It's opt-out and the opt-out involves a charge that the parents pay toward compensating the other travelers for making their miserable lives even more miserable. Wouldn't that be wonderful?
Dev Team, if you're listening, that's the kind of Live Service shit we need! Call it Life Service.
It's not a revolutionary idea.
But it is a comforting idea.
Maybe just for me.
As you may know, I've been having to travel to the States off and on for work. It may sound like a lot of fun and to a certain degree, it is a change from the monotony of vanilla Hyderabad life. We have a phrase called 'Live Service' in the gaming industry. It basically refers to the collection of stuff the developer team keeps putting into a game (the kind you'd download off the Play Store or App Store) in order to keep it relevant and engaging. How does knowing that affect your life? Sometimes I get the feeling real life is an oddly constructed game and the devs really don't do a good job of managing Live Services. It's the usual every month. Pay the rent. Pay the bills. If you have some help with the cooking or cleaning, pay for that help. If you have a loan, pay that too. Work 9 to 5 if you're fortunate. Work 9 to 8 if you're not. Call your mom every Sunday (should I be calling her more often? We'll talk about it). Get a drink occasionally. If you're a middle-class salaried employee (and if you're reading this, odds are you are), that pretty much constitutes the daily grind. Which brings me to my question - Is this really it? I mean sure, if you're a 'Monetizer', which in real life basically equates to having received quality education and having an upper middle class existence by virtue of earning a salary higher than most, you have the "Travel" and "Hobbies" features unlocked for you. And you probably dabble in them once in a few months and post an Instagram pic that gets you a few likes from the community, but that's literally it.
What is the meta game, I ask you? What is the purpose at the end of it all? What is there to aspire toward? If it is achieved, then what? For example, when you're 15 and pumped with hormones, sex is an aspiration. And when you achieve that, the rush is a commensurate payoff I'd say. But what is the equivalent of that at 30? Sure, you have things called friends in your guild and sometimes you'll do some things together and that helps maintain your sanity on a day to day basis, but human beings need a purpose I've been told. And if you're privileged enough (let's accept that we're privileged), once you've ticked off the bottom 4 tiers of Maslow's hierarchy, you're pretty much looking forward to either being the person who cures cancer or if you fancy dropping a couple of kids, that. Here are my arguments against the latter.
1. Kids born today will have it tough - and I mean really tough - by the time they have to start competing for higher education or a job 20 years later. Our population has tripled since independence 70 years ago and is projected to increase further right through 2050.
2. You have only a certain amount of control over your kid's innate abilities. And that control extends to your genes, that's it. And let's face it, the majority of us aren't Chris Hemsworth or Elon Musk. Odds are you're average. Or if you're a Monetizer in life, you're slightly above average. Even then, there is only so much you can do to ensure your kid gets the right opportunities. So many millions are also ensuring the same. Can you really say for sure that your child's going to come out on top after all of this? Is it really fair to put him or her under such pressure.
3. You don't have much control over your kid's life choices beyond adolescence. It is entirely that being's agency. As it should be. I know a lot of people growing up who got into drugs or hobbies or professions that were self destructing. Call it lack of guidance, lack of proper role models, not enough attention or care, the reasons are irrelevant; choices are made by enough number of people every generation that prevents them from growing into productive, self-sustaining individuals. That may just be a fear most people brush off, so even ignoring that, let's talk about the end goal here - what guarantee do you have that your kids will come visit once you're sixty anyway? I love my parents, but we live at a time in which work and life have more demands than ever, and I'd be lucky to drop in and see their faces once every 6 months. What is the pay off for my parents, really?
4. Adopting a slightly clinical view (abjectly removing emotion from the decision altogether) - it is just a bad investment. With the returns as uncertain as they are (for the above reasons), one must consider the cost of healthcare, education - everything from school, college, supporting tuition if necessary and in all probability, post graduation as well, the amount you'd spend on his or her hobbies, all of it. Also, factor in the cost of making changes to accommodate the child into your and your partner's lives - compromises on certain careers, living locations, an encroachment on your time that could otherwise have been used for more self-fulfilling pursuits. (You may not cure cancer, but you can certainly try to become a certified SCUBA diver). It is no small cost. And I reject the dogmatic mantra inculcated in any person past the age of 25 by the elder members of the family in traditional Indian households in order to reinforce the need for progeny - the joy of holding your child for the first time, your grandmother needs to see her grandson, and other nudging platitudes in that vein which are generally accepted to be true. These constitute emotional cajolery, they are not objective arguments, and if you think critical thought isn't necessary, consider the consequences of making a life choice that's going to impact you for 20 years or more based on grandma's unerring stand on the joy of childbirth.
5. It really IS a choice. It is a feat of no small measure that we as a species are self-aware of our evolutionary imperative to propagate our genes. There is an biological bias pushing us toward having children but the conditions that made it essential are today obsolete. We are the dominant species on the planet, to the extent that it is now a detriment considering the state of global climate and environmental health. However, as uncharacteristic as it may sound for me to say so, I really do accept the reasoning of people who are aware of all the above and consciously choose to have kids anyway. Certainly there are cases to be made for such a decision. For example, what do I do when I'm 45 and my entire social circle have adapted to centering their lives and activities around their kids? Won't I be lonely? The way society exists at any point in time is a self-perpetuated cycle until enough people find a reason to change it. Since we aren't at that point of change yet, there exists a natural compulsion to conform in order to look after one's own interests. That's a perfectly good, (albeit a bit selfish) reason. You'll find the same kind of reasoning in our behaviour given that arranged marriage is a thing that exists. Because our social circles are such that most women get hitched by 25 and most men by 30, you're naturally compelled to find a suitable partner by 30, which by all logic is sub-optimal behaviour at scale. In countries where arranged marriage is not the norm, the average age of people tying the knot is 7-10 years higher. That produces a free-er exploration of what relationships have to offer, a more informed awareness of one's own needs and expectations as an individual and eventually, (one would expect) the finding of a better match, which are all worthwhile benefits of an alternative societal lifestyle. But we cannot operate within the same bounds while living in Indian society since there's no point to lounging around till 35 if your most suitable potential partner in all likelihood already got hitched at 25. To Mr. IIM-Baniyawalla. He was the most qualified of the Baniyawallas. And they already have 2 kids. Existing constructs in society do influence behaviour. It is natural. But what really grinds my gears are that in most of my discussions, I find that the majority of people having kids are not the ones putting in any amount of basic thought into the why of it. The majority are the ones having kids because their grandmothers' health is failing. That exemplifies a horrible use of human intellect.
"But why does all this intellectual masturbation matter, Anoorag?"
It matters, people! Your bratty kids are going to be on my 20 hour long cramped international flights. Kids wail and shriek and cry and rub their snot on other people's clothes. A lot! So you having a kid equals me being unable to sleep after a tiring stint working my ass off and fighting jetlag. Sleep is the only constant source of joy in the otherwise depressing live service called life. "But Anoorag, think of the parents? What must they be going through" Fuck them. They brought it upon themselves, not me. Because of grandma, that too.
Which brings me to my idea.
What if flights started offering a special service to parents with young kids wherein they spray some magical fluid at the kids which knocks them out for the duration of the flight? It's not opt-in. It's opt-out and the opt-out involves a charge that the parents pay toward compensating the other travelers for making their miserable lives even more miserable. Wouldn't that be wonderful?
Dev Team, if you're listening, that's the kind of Live Service shit we need! Call it Life Service.
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